My Breakup Story Changed Everything – In a Good Way
In my Instagram post yesterday I mentioned that I once lived in San Diego. Most people assume I moved there for college. But, really, I finished college and moved there with my boyfriend of four years who joined the military. We actually broke up only a few months after the move to California. After four years, I never imagined we would break up so fast after the move. I felt deceived and confused by his unfaithfulness. I felt trapped in a place that I had no family and friends. When my dad assumed this meant I was coming back to NY, I was offended that he thought that and mad because I knew that I couldn’t. There was no way I could be okay with myself, like “well we broke up, so I’m back in Brooklyn again.” I am not that girl to revolve their world around one man.
I had to put my big girl pants on and figure it out, and not come back until I could face myself knowing that I made it on my own.
I mean come on, being in San Diego isn’t half bad. There are worse places to feel stranded. And it is definitely not a bad place to be single and getting over a break up. I found a place through a colleague that was actually the cheapest rent in San Diego. It was a house of 6 girls including me. I went from barely knowing anyone to now having a beautiful squad of girls that I could go out with every weekend. More importantly on Taco Tuesday! There was definitely a lot of frozen 99¢ burrito meals during that time – saving up for weekend dranks because #priorities! Over the years, some girls would move out and others moved in. Eventually, my cousin and best friend would move out to San Diego. They would then move into the house as well. Today none of my best friends/roomies actually live in the same state but I talk to them all the time. These were the best times of my life and I never would’ve had them if I hadn’t moved to San Diego for that boy, if I had never dated that boy, and if I had never broken up with that boy. The way I look at it, all of life is like a choose your own adventure, somethings can’t happen without other things.
The way I think about it is: I moved to San Diego for love and when I came back I had more love from the friendships that I built there than I had came for. Sometimes things aren’t what you thought they would be. But I can tell you if you’re going through it: once you get to the other side you know why the things you once wished for never worked out. I never would’ve made those relationships if I hadn’t moved there and if we hadn’t broken up, so in the end I’d go through that break up again 1 million times to meet my best friends.
My Breakup Advice
As you can tell, I give advice by first telling a story. No one can tell you what to do and every relationship is different and no one can know exactly what went on in yours. Some articles will tell you:
“don’t drunk text” – Okay both he and I did that. But yeah – don’t do that.
“don’t stay friends” – We stayed friends for 6 years after the breakup and I thought it was great at the time, but in hindsight I think it only prolonged us moving on.
“block them from social media” – Ummmm, what?!? No girl I know does this. I want them to know exactly how great I am doing. Haha!
“avoid posting about it on social media” – Okay, definitely do not post on social media being upset about your breakup. That I have not done.
These things are all great. But for me, my friends are what made this part of my life the best. So get out there make friends. Do things you never thought you would. Challenge yourself every day. Have a couple drinks (maybe skip the drunk text), put yourself out there. Personally the day after we broke up I went kayaking for the first time. I love kayaking now. S0 do something new- go skydiving, fly a plane, literally anything. And, I hope knowing that the biggest and hardest breakup of my life brought me the best times and people in my life will give you faith that the best days are coming.
Hope that my story helps anyone who needs to hear it <3
P.S. Here are some pics with my favorite people in the world